If there's one thing I've learned from these games...

... it's that family is a beautiful thing. If your brother becomes some sort of black-garbed, cackling villain, all that you need to do is stage an intervention with your uncle if you want him to realize the error of his ways. Even deadbeat dads who are also hitmen can provide you with free puppies, if you play your cards right. Isn't that great? Families are so special.

However, there is one thing that you should know when it comes to families. And that is that you should never have grandchildren. Because if you have grandchildren, YOU WILL DIE. This isn't a value judgement or anything; it's a cosmic rule of the universe. Nothing shows this better than FF6.

Exhibit A: A healthy, happy, Cid, dressed like a condom, as is his wont.


Aww, isn't that nice? A happy reunion. But uh oh, what's this?


WHAT?! Celes wants Cid to be a grandpa? No, Cid!! No! Don't do it!!


SEE? The instand that Cid becomes a grandfather figure, he is stricken with a mortal illness that I am too lazy to cure.




Oh Cid... it didn't have to be like this.

Hooray!

I beat the game! Not without a lot of difficulty, as described by Matty. Who the hell designs a final dungeon where you have to fight like six bosses for three hours without being able to save your game? It doesn't matter. I beat the game because I am a goddamn LIGHT WARRIOR. Suck it, bitches.


As a reward for beating the game, I get this little cutscene about the disturbing lack of intimacy in Cid's marriage.




It's a bittersweet ending, really. Like how at the end of FF7, where Tifa's macking on Cloud, but they both know that he will only ever love that muscular guy in the bathhouse.


Now for the credits! All the old school development team is here.



But we all REALLY know who to thank here.


That's right. Without 4 old men, none of this would ever be possible.

The Fi-nal Countdown!

Oh my God!



They killed Cid! You bastards!

Although Cid II is dead, his spirit lives on. As does his fabulous airship, which I promptly nabbed from the dearly departed.

Aww, see, but I'm using the airship for good, not just to pick up Red-Hot Mage babes in Mysidia. See? Look! I'm reuniting Ricard the dragoon with what is presumably his family-- the woman and child who stand in the same spot of their deserted castle all day looking miserable.

Wait, so is this, like, a FF4 reference? (We'll get to that in a couple more games.) Or is "Kain" to the dragoons what "Tyrone" is to black people? Will we ever truly know?

"... but two minutes? Come ON."

Time to start the running Highwind tally! So far in the series, there is 1 character whose last name is Highwind.

That's right, I should have seen that Ricard would die as soon as we found out that he had a kid. I mean, come on. Parenthood is the kiss of death in these games. Maybe it's the corrollary to the "old people never survive" rule?

Now it's time to head into the final dungeon!

You know it's badass because instead of spelling it "Pandemonium", you have an a and an e stuck together. That's because this is fantasy. Why have Eons when you can have Aeons, amirite?

I ran into this fellow in the middle of Pandaemonium, and I hear it is a rare encounter!

Hooray! And I got this for my troubles.

That means there's only one thing left to do. And that is to face off against the hellish demon soul of the power-mad Emperor Palamecia. The battle begins...

... and unceremoniously ends.

And there was much rejoicing! Aparently all this ass-whooping has gotten Maria in the mood. Looks like she put on her special ugly face.

Firion counters this suggestion with his most somber emo-face. Things can never be between the two of them, because her brother is kind of a douche who, you know, enslaved the world for a little while. Did we ever figure out why that happened, anyway?

Translation: Hilda has nicer tits than you.


And here is Hilda herself, to congratulate me on beating the crap out of FF2~

Oh, hell no, sweetie. We've got ten more to go!